We have double-speak, politician-speak, and lawyer-speak. Bad tenants have been left out, until now. Below are definitions of common words and phrases as used by bad tenants. They mean something entirely different to most other tenants and to landlords. I have listed them so you will not be tempted to fall into the “bad-tenant speak” trap.
A Hurry: what bad tenants are always in when they are trying to find a new landlord to sucker; and what they try to make you be so you’ll forget about checking out their rental and credit history.
Businesslike: landlords who have a “bunch of rules,” are not “understanding” and are “unreasonable”
Caring: see “understanding”
Credit: what you have to give bad-tenant applicants for trying to hide all their evictions from you. But you discovered all that when you ran a credit report and public records search.
Easy Going: see “understanding”
First: the date on which tenants are to pay the rent, but in reality when bad tenants start thinking about excuses for not paying the rent.
Good Guy: see “understanding”
Holiday: an excuse to pay the rent late, since the first of the month was a holiday, or a holiday fell somewhere around the first of the month. Also, when you will get a phone call about something that broke in a bad tenant’s unit, especially if it the beginning of a three-day weekend and you are ready to leave on a trip. The item broke earlier in the week, but the bad tenant “didn’t get around to calling you” until the Friday before a holiday, and now they “have guests coming over.” (See “nosy”)
House: what tenants say they’re going to buy “someday”
Last: the order in the list of bills where bad tenants put the rent, especially if the landlord is “understanding”
Nosy: a landlord who makes property inspections, notes violations of the rules, and complains about “guests” who are “just visiting for a few days.” The nosy landlord also questions inordinate traffic at all hours up to the bad tenant’s door and the drug sales that seem to be taking place.
Rent: An amount of money that bad tenants think is way too much.
SOB (also, jerk, and other such terms): a landlord who files an eviction when a bad tenant doesn’t pay the rent as agreed
Space: the place that is not assigned to them where bad tenants and their guests park their cars
Stickler: a landlord who insists that all tenants follow the rules of the complex and be good neighbors
Understanding: a landlord who “doesn’t hassle you” about the rent, being a courteous neighbor or abiding by the complex rules
Unreasonable: a landlord who is “businesslike,” “nosy,” an “SOB,” or a “stickler.”
Now when you hear these terms being used by tenants whom you would rather have move out, you are about to evict, or who are trying to rent get you to rent to them, you will immediately be able to translate their words into landlord speak.